Gays are Fakes, Frauds, and Phonies!!!

How do you feel about gays?

Let me start by stating that I have nothing against them on a personal level and I do not care with whom they sleep. However, on a philosophical level, I believe that it is "wrong" or "incorrect", and I shall explain. This has always been the way humanity viewed homosexuality until about 30-40 years ago, so don't go attacking me for my views. I'm not saying that a person can't choose to sleep with people of his or her own gender, I'm just saying that it is wrong to do so.

It's always troubled me: the attraction between man and woman is such a natural and strong thing, so how is it that these people don't feel that? My way of viewing homosexuality has always been that it is like any other human urge or desire that the Good Lord gave us. Some people like skim milk, others like whole milk. Some people oversleep and others overeat. Some people even have urges to do really bad things like rape and murder (which I am NOT comparing to being gay, for the record). All of these things have one thing in common: they are human desires that need to be overcome. So too with homosexuality: if a dude has an urge to sleep with another dude, he should curb that desire just as he would do if he wanted another helping of creme broulee but knew he needed to watch his weight.

But all of that has changed. It suddenly dawned on my today that these people are mentally ill!!! If you would have told me that a half hour I would have told you that you're being nasty, racist, and condescending. But I have proof, so read on. Here is the progression of how I arrived at the above-mentioned conlcusion.

1. At lunch today, I saw a "lesbian" and a straight women sitting down to eat together in the cafeteria.
2. I wondered to myself if Lesbian Lady had a crush on her lunch companion.
3. Then I noticed that Lesbian Lucy was very butch and manlike, whereas Straight Susan was pretty-looking.
4. Then I realized that Lesbian Lucy probably isn't attracted to Straight Susan because she is a pretty-looking woman.
5. Ergo, Lesbian Lucy is attraced to women who look like men.
6. In other words, Lesbian Lucy is attracted to men.
7. In yet different words, Lesbian Lucy is straight and just "thinks" she's gay.

Think about it: who do gay men like? Gay men. And who do gay men remind you of and even try very hard to replicate? Women!
That's right, gay men like women. Let's try another excercise:
Who do lesbians like? Lesbians.
And what do those lesbians look like? Men!
Conclusion: Lesbians like men.

In other words, these gays are not actually attracted to members of the same sex, but they're just confused. I'm not sure what the psychology involved here is all about. Chemical imbalance? Cry for attention? Who knows? All I know is that they're as straight as you and me on the inside, and they just THINK they're gay.